


A Step Past the Memories

by GrandDukeForever



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Incest, M/M, Sibling Incest, Sibling Love, Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-01
Updated: 2014-01-01
Packaged: 2018-01-07 00:15:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1113200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrandDukeForever/pseuds/GrandDukeForever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set post-movie.  After the Kaiju War, Raleigh decides he wants to go back home to Anchorage.  Before he leaves, however, Mako shares a little secret with him that changes his perspective and helps him to have a more positive look on life.  Told from <b>Raleigh's POV</b>.</p><p>For once this is not a prompt.  I know!  Shocking, isn't it?  This is a surprise fic and a part of my newly started collection for my readers as a way of saying thank you for all your feedback and/or support.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Step Past the Memories

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mistress of Solitude (utterlyheartbroken)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/utterlyheartbroken/gifts).



> I've been meaning to do this for a while. In fact, I started the collection up a few days ago, and then I deleted it because I'm a total dork and wanted it to have the official start date of the new year.
> 
> This is the first of what I plan to be a set of thank you stories for readers who have made themselves known, and I've decided to start with my silent (or mostly silent, anyway) readers/supporters. I do notice you all, and since there is no private messaging system function on AO3 where I can thank you guys directly, I guess you can say this is a compromise of sorts. 
> 
> To **A Bittersweet Liar** , I took a stab at what you might like based on which of my stories you've kudoed in the past. Here's to hoping you like this one!

“ _Mr. Becket! Wait! Please!”_

She catches me just before I get into my taxi. The one taking me to the airport so that I can fly back to Alaska. From out of Hong Kong. I turn around to look at her. 

Her meaning Mako. Miss Mori. The late marshal's adopted daughter. My one-time co-pilot of Gipsy Danger. If I were to tell the whole story in detail, it would take days, probably. 

I hold on to my bags. You never know with Mako. It could be brief, or it could take hours. Regardless, there's no way I'm going to risk an impatient cab driver possibly rolling off with my bags, whether to steal them or simply in attempt to find a client that's in more of a hurry; time is money and all that. 

She's giving me that trademark look of hers—it's a deer in headlights sort of look. Apparently it's one of those things she never quite grew out of, and I can say that with confidence because I've Drifted with her. 

I can tell she's waiting for me to speak. She's clutching a letter. No doubt it's for me, and I'll bet it contains whatever she wants to say to me in written form. 

Looks like she's giving me an option. I sigh. This is going to take hours, then. I'm probably going to miss my flight. Not the end of the world, I suppose. The ticket's refundable. I can always book another, if it ever comes to that. 

I turn back to my cab driver and send him on his way. He doesn't seem all that surprised. I suppose this probably happens all the time, though this probably isn't the scenario he thinks it is. Well, maybe part of it is true. 

A foreign soldier in a foreign land. He meets a girl. That's about where that story line ends, really, because we didn't fall in love, although there is indeed mutual respect. My bags aren't packed because I'm leaving her, and she isn't here to stop me from going home forever; it's just until she's told me what she thinks I need to know. 

“What is it, Mako?” I ask her. 

She holds out the letter. I accept it. 

“You could have gone,” is her reply. 

I shrug. “I'm not really in any hurry. You just helped me save the world. At the very least, I figure I owe it to you to listen to whatever you have to say.” 

She smiles. I understand why the marshal took her under his wing. She's got a good spirit, Mako.

“Thank you, Mr. Becket,” she says. “I promise you will not regret it.” 

I nod. “Where would you like to talk?” 

“In my room, if you don't mind,” she says before blushing furiously, probably realizing how that must have sounded. “Since your room is no longer available.” 

I can't help but to laugh. “Don't worry, Mako, I understand. We've Drifted together, remember?” 

She gives me a look of relief. The Drift can reveal a lot of things. Even if you only Drift with a person once, there's a lot one can learn. She suggested her room for sake of privacy and not because she was trying to make a sexual innuendo. 

Besides, she knows better. Knowledge obtained from the Drift goes both ways, after all.

Mako cuts right to the chase when we enter her room. She says it as soon as she turns to look at me and locks the door behind her. 

“Do you remember what my father said?” she asks. “The last thing he told me before Striker Eureka...” 

Her lips begin to quiver and I know she's trailed off because she's unable to suppress the memory. It's all right and I don't blame her; I was a wreck after my brother Yancy died, and it's only been a few hours since the marshal detonated Striker along with Herc Hansen's son. I feel terrible for that man too; Chuck was Herc's only child. I can't even begin to imagine how that feels. 

I take a second to think back to the last battle against the Kaiju. It's not that I've forgotten the details, it's just that so much happened at once, everything kind of blurs together.

Doesn't take long to recall the marshal's last words though. Yes, I remember. How could I forget? I still remember how Mako felt. She was devastated. 

_“I'll always be there for you! You can always find me in the Drift!”_

“He said that he'd always be there for you,” I say. “And that you'd always be able to find him in the Drift.” 

She closes her eyes and I pretend to not see the tears that roll down her cheeks. Her brows furrow together into a slight frown. 

“The Drift...” she whispers, voice shaky and her hands trembling slightly at her sides. “...that is what I wish to talk to you about.”

Then Mako opens her eyes and stares straight at me. A small smile forms on her lips after a minute, and I'm guessing it's because of the look of confusion that I'm sure is plastered on my face, but I can't imagine why she finds that funny. She closes the short distance between us and takes my hands in her own. 

“I'm going to teach you,” she says. 

I feel my eyebrow raise. “I'm sorry...what?” 

Mako laughs softly. Her eyes are still moist, but I see that there's a warmth in them now. 

“Oh, Mr. Becket...” she whispers. “The Drift...there's a secret.” 

I frown. “A secret...?” 

“Yes,” Mako says with a nod. “Your brother. I can help you find him.” 

What she's just said has thrown me for a loop. My throat goes dry, and suddenly I feel myself choking up with my own tears. 

“I... _what are you talking about_ , Mako?” I ask tightly. 

I'm in no mood for games. Something tells me though, she's not playing. 

“Anyone can find someone they have lost in the Drift,” Mako says. “As long as it is someone they have Drifted with at least once.” 

She gives me a second for the information to sink in. I shake my head after a while. I'm not sure I understand.

I tell her as much. “Forgive me...I don't think I get what you're saying, Mako...” 

She smiles and gives my hands a light squeeze before slowly releasing them. “You can meet living spirits in the Drift.” 

I start to feel a little dizzy. I can feel myself frowning. Mako continues her explanation quickly. 

“Your brother,” she says. “I can help you find him.” 

My voice comes out unexpectedly faint when I respond. “...what do you mean?” 

“He still lives, but only in the Drift,” Mako says. “Find him once, and you can talk to him always.” 

I want to believe her, but I'm not even sure if I'm understanding what she's saying. I shake my head. 

“Whenever I want?” I find myself asking, not entirely sure if I know where the question's come from. 

She nods enthusiastically. “Exactly. Whenever you want.” 

I frown. “And he...you're saying he's still _alive_ somehow?” 

The smile reaches her eyes. “ _Yes_.” 

I shake my head again. “I don't get it. H _ow_...?” 

Mako laughs softly and shrugs. “Does it matter? You will have him back.” 

She has a valid point. Damn her. What she's saying sounds so unbelievable, but I can't imagine why she'd lie. 

“All right, I'll bite,” I say. “How do I do it? How do I find him?” 

“Only you can,” she says. “You will need to Drift outside.” 

“Outside...?” I ask with a frown. “You mean like Ghost Drifting?” 

She nods. I release a sigh. What she's asking is impossible to do with a pilot that's no longer living. 

“Mako...” I start. 

She raises a finger and cuts me off, shaking her head. “No, Mr. Becket. Listen to me completely, please.” 

I sigh again and nod. “All right...go ahead. I'm listening.” 

“Good,” she says. “You must find a special place...a place of meditation.” 

I lift my eyebrows. “A place of meditation? What do you mean by that?” 

“Someplace quiet,” she says. “Like a room...or maybe even someplace outside. Like a field.” 

Gut instinct tells me to call her crazy. I decide to humor her a bit though. 

“Okay...” I say slowly. “So I find a place like that. Then what?” 

“Then you close your eyes and concentrate,” she says. “Think back. Find your most precious memory.” 

She's basically telling me to find a rabbit to chase. Only she's telling me to do it without the use of a Jaeger or a living pilot to Ghost Drift with. Again though, I decide that I'll entertain her a bit longer. 

“All right,” I say with a nod. “Then after that?” 

“You don't chase it,” she says, contrary to what I thought she was going to tell me next. “You _remember_ it.” 

Now I just _know_ I have to be frowning deeply when she says that. “ _What?_ ” 

She laughs. I'm sorry to say that I don't quite get the joke just yet. I hope to be in on it soon though. 

“Remember more than just the details of the memory, Mr. Becket,” she says. “Remember the _person_. Every last bit of him. Call out to him. Talk to him. Reach for him. That is how you will find him.” 

To be honest, I'm still not sure if I get what she's trying to tell me at all. I have a feeling that this is one of those things where I'm not going to be able to get an explanation that's much clearer either. I'm just going to have to try it, at this point, if I really want to figure it out.  
  
She's looking at me expectantly, obviously waiting for a response. I give her one when she asks.  
  
"Do you understand, Mr. Becket?"  
  
"I do," I say with a nod.  
  
It's a lie. I have no fucking clue. Mako smiles though, satisfied and completely oblivious.  
  
"Good," she says with a nod. "It's all in the letter, if you need a reminder."  
  
"The letter," I say, nodding back as I take the envelope from her. "Right. Thanks."  
  
"Good luck, Mr. Becket. This is my special gift to you," she says, stepping aside and unlocking her door. "I hope you do not miss your flight."  
  
"Thank you, Mako," I say, giving her a parting nod. "I appreciate it. You take care of yourself now."  
  
She gives me this strange smile then, one I don't really understand. I only sense that there's yet another joke that I'm missing because of what she says and the way she says it.  
  
"I'll be fine."  
  
Those final words of hers bother me all the way to the airport, and for pretty much the entire duration of my flight. They follow me all the way home and I just sleep on them. 

There's a job waiting for me in construction—a major rebuilding project that's a nationwide effort, but I've been given a bit of downtime before I'm expected to report anywhere. Benefits of being a veteran and all. Mako and I are being heralded as the last-standing Jaeger pilots who just saved the world. Hey, I'm not complaining. I could use a bit of downtime. 

I let a few days go by before I decide to do anything about it. The letter, I mean. The one from Mako. What's written in the letter isn't so different from what she told me in person; it's just not in so many words. 

Go someplace quiet. Close your eyes. Block out the world. Tap into the Drift. Don't chase the rabbit. Just reach for him. _Find him._

It all just sounds so fucking ridiculous, and yet here I am, doing just that. The temperature's just warm enough today. I'm lying down on my back on this hill that's facing a lake. Yancy and I used to come here a lot as kids. I figure this is a good a place as any to try this weird as hell thing I'm about to do. 

Choosing a memory to latch onto isn't as difficult as I thought it would be. It almost comes to me right away after taking note of the few puffy clouds hanging in the sky just before I close my eyes, because they remind me of that time. 

_When I ran away from home. As far away as a ten year old could get, anyway. I was mad at Dad about something. Yancy was twelve. I went where I thought no one could find me._

Now that's a lie. I ran where I knew exactly one person could. 

_I remember that day I was sprawled out on the ground too, glaring up at the sky for a while. Then I closed my eyes, either because they were tired or perhaps I dozed off for a while. That part I don't recall clearly, but I do remember a shadow towering over me at some point, blocking the sunlight from showing me colors of red and orange behind my eyelids. Yancy._

_I opened my eyes. My brother's hands were on his hips. Not sure if he was trying to look angry, but if he was, he totally failed because I could see the small smile on his lips._

“ _Found you, Rals.” That's all he said._

_I remember feeling conflicted between pouting or getting up and just throwing my arms around him. I loved him so much, even then._

Oh shit. I almost forgot. This is exactly what Mako told me not to do. Focus on the person, not on the memory. Right. 

The minute I focus on my brother, everything freezes. Come to think of it, maybe I should have picked a memory from later on in our lives. When we became Jaeger pilots, because Yancy ended up looking a lot different older compared to when we were both just a couple of snot-nosed kids. 

He didn't really keep his boyish face; his jaw lines became sharper, and his forehead developed quite a few frown lines. I'll take the blame for that; I probably put most of them there. I grew about an inch taller than he did, but he always did have a slightly more muscular build. 

Damn it. _What else?_

I realize looking at my brother's youthful self isn't helping me, so I close my eyes again and think harder. I try to remember his voice. The way he used to lecture me every now and again. It takes a minute, and initially the memory is quite faint, but slowly, after a bit, I start to remember. Then it all comes flooding back. 

_His expressive eyes. His deep laughter. The way his broad shoulders felt, and the contentment I'd always feel whenever he wrapped his strong arms around me, placing kisses everywhere. On my cheek. The back of my neck. Down my spine. The joy and warmth I'd feel spreading throughout my chest whenever we made love._

I miss you. I miss you, and I love you. I want to see you again, Yancy. Where are you? I can feel myself reaching for you, trying to find you. And oh fuck, it's like that feeling you get when something is just on the tip of your tongue and you want to say it, but this is more like it's on the edge of my mind and if only I could just _think_ it!

“ _Raleigh.”_

I close my eyes tighter. I imagine him coming for me. Come find me, Yancy, or help me find you. 

“ _Kiddo.”_

I guess the clouds have just blocked out the sun, because the colors I see behind my eyelids are replaced with darkness. A pounding sound overwhelms my ears; it's the loud beating of my heart. 

“ _Rals!”_

I hear laughter and suddenly feel compelled to open my eyes. So I do, and I almost don't believe what it is I'm seeing. _Who_ it is that I see. 

My older brother. Yancy. Looking down at me. Eyes twinkling with amusement. Oh my God. He looks better than I remember him. Looks like Mako wasn't shitting me after all. 

I owe her a phone call. I need to thank her.  
  
Yancy's hands are on his hips, just like that time he found me, all those years ago. I get the sense he's kind of mocking me. Who the fuck cares though. All that matters is that he's here; that's the most important thing.  
  
I find myself thinking only one thing clearly. _“No fucking way.”_  
  
Yancy smiles at me. I can tell it's not a dream. I wouldn't know how to explain it to someone who's never Drifted before, but there's a way you can tell whether or not something is real. And this, Yancy being in front of me right now—this I know for sure is one hundred percent real. I know for a fact that I don't possess the creative energy to make all of this up on my own, even if it's only to fool myself.  
  
Yancy chuckles and I'm still at a loss for words. He leans his face in closer, lips still curled upwards in a small smile.  
  
"You found me, kid," he whispers softly.  
  
Lovingly. In a way I never thought it would be possible for me to hear again. My words still fail me. It takes me another couple of seconds. In the meantime, my hands are reaching out to cup around his face. He clasps his warm hands over mine; they are surprisingly solid.  
  
"Holy shit," I finally manage to say.  
  
My brother laughs. All I can think about is how much I want to kiss him.  
  
The second I think it, he suddenly does. I guess he heard me. God this is fucking weird. Ghost Drifting with the dead.  
  
The minute our lips meet, it's electrifying. Kissing Yancy is even better than I remember it. Maybe that's just how much I've missed him. He's laughing into it and I feel a rumble in my chest as I laugh right along with him.

When we break away Yancy starts talking to me, but I'm only half-listening because my head's just spinning with how unbelievable this is, and yet, it's real. I know it's real, because it's the Drift, man. Ride the wave enough times and eventually you get pretty good at figuring out what's legit and separating it from the fake. Suddenly I find myself remembering Mako's last words to me before I left Hong Kong and it all just makes complete and perfect sense. 

“ _I'll be fine.”_

And I realize that the same goes for me too. I will.


End file.
